The Phrases given by My Parent That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to communicate among men, who continue to internalise harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a few days overseas, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."